Name:
Location: one hour from Suffolk, Rockingham, and Scarborough, United States

I'm one of the co-authors of Point of Hopes, Point of Dreams, and The Armor of Light (which, contrary to some reviews is NOT a Points novel). Proud member of CoastLine SF, Piscataqua Obedience Club, and admin for Horseboard.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Perfecting Avoidance Techniques

Ok, here it is March 5, and if I have any regular readers, they're probably getting turned off by the sporadic posts. Entries. Whatever the heck these things are called.

I kind of watched myself this afternoon dancing around this. I'd open up the bookmarks, wander up and down, always avoiding the one that brings me here. NY Times? Check. Horseboard? Check. Portsmouth Public Library catalogue? Check. Equibase? Check. Damn, I'm good! Oh, wait, I haven't checked my email in, oh, twenty minutes! Check. Oh, the dog needs to be walked, doesn't she? (Regardless of whether she's actually asleep in the bedroom.)

Perhaps it's an inferiority complex. Danny is so wonderfully open. Blog-envy? Am I doing this right? Is this thing on? :-)

Thing is, I hang out with a wicked smart group of people on horseboard, so posting here feels... lonely. Over there, I know I'll hear from Buckhunter, or Josh, or Spajeff, or Rambler, and it's a dialogue. This is like being onstage, and I was never one for stand-up. And while I have a lot of respect for folks who can write one person shows, I don't think I'm one of them.

But I'm not going to give up on this blog. It's still my tool to try to find my way back to writing, to try to persuade my rather nervy imagination that it is, indeed, safe to come out now.

Which I do think it is. I have a follow-up MRI this coming week, to determine how the tumor, you know, the one left over from the breast cancer, the one that is NOT a brain tumor (see Nomenclature), has reacted to the fractionated radiosurgery. If it knows what's good for it, it's on its way out of Dodge, for good.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Danny said...

I hope you don't give up on this blog, Lisa, no matter how sporadically you write in here. Lack of frequency doesn't prevent me from popping by every time I'm on my computer just to see if you've written anything new--and it always feels like such a treat when you have.

On the other hand, I keep hitting that wall myself and wondering if I should continue writing in my own blog. Every few days I think I should just delete the whole damn thing, but then I remember how for years I've been trying to make time for my own writing (and never doing it) and how having a blog seems to be just what I need since I can write in it quickly and often without being overwhelmed about crafting a finished piece. But I still feel paralyzed if I think anyone is reading my blog ("Who could possibly be interested in my narcissistic ramblings? What embarrassing picture am I painting of myself?") and discouraged if I think nobody is ("Why do I bother? Why is no one commenting? Have I driven everyone away?") so I force myself to not think about who's out there at all and just write for myself, allowing my blog to evolve into whatever it wants to be.

11:48 AM  
Anonymous Don Sakers said...

Lisa, you should definitely keep blogging. As you say, it's a good path back into your own writing. And I'm certainly enjoying your posts...entries...quest...thing.

Regarding sporadic posts, I think that a lot of folks our age (Lisa and I are within a few months of each other) have a different paradigm about writing/posting. We have this notion that you write something (a letter, a story, an opera) only when you have something concrete to say.Younger folks seem to have a different paradigm: the act of writing/posting is itself a communication, over and above the actual content of the post. It's much more like in-person conversation, which is why you get these blogs that are like wonderful spontaneous ruminations on all sorts of subjects, as if you were sitting in a room talking with all these smart people.

I have somewhat the same difficulty with IM -- I want to have something intelligent and concrete to say and then connect, but I think the medium works best if the connection comes first, followed by the content.

I suppose a journalist with a daily or weekly column operates in somewhat the same way as a blogger: here's this forum that has to be filled, so you come up with things to fill it with. Whereas I'm used to operating in the opposite direction.

Regarding avoidance behaviors...I would take this as a healthy sign that you are getting back into the swing of writing. I'm constantly coming up with reasons not to work on my current projects; I've got a novel underway that is taking forever because I'm getting so good at playing the avoidance game. I don't remember who said that "writing is the process of applying the seat of the pants to the seat of the chair for extended periods," but it's too, too true.

9:32 AM  

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